2:30 am - I get a text message from a friend. (Paraphrasing) -Ashley, I'm tired of being hurt and used. I am tired of being alone. I am tired of not being loved. I am shutting down. I give up. The reality is, no one is coming. I don't like me.
Wow ...
Sleepily, I offered a word of encouragment. I told her that in order for someone else to love her, she has to first love herself. I think that sounded good at 2 am. I also know that when someone is upset about something, my brilliant words :-) probably don't mean a lot. I assured her she wasn't the only one who was feeling the way that she was feeling.
As I snuggled up with my comforter, I said a short prayer-like thing asking God to keep her encouraged so that she can love herself.
6:00 am - I hear Billy Ocean singing to me (Caribbean Queen is my ringtone). I look at the clock then look at the phone and I figure I better answer. It's another friend. Immediately I panic.(Early morning calls often mean something bad has happened.)
She starts the conversation very calmly, but soon thereafter the tears start to flow. She was feeling very discouraged about the way things in her life are going. Especially in the love department. She said she felt as if "he" would never come. She was tired.
Understanding completely how she feels, I try to encourage her not to give up. Somehow I remind her that she to love herself before anyone can love her.
I'm single. I have friends. Every now and then I have a date. I participate in some social activities here and there. I get lonely. I get sad. I desire a connection with someone. I want to give up. And sometimes when I look in the mirror, I hate what I see. Not so much my physical appearance, but all the mess that is going on in my life. But what I can't forget is that no matter how messy and ugly and terrible I am to myself, God finds me to be one of His beautiful creatures.
I have to love myself through all my mess. And even if I don't like what I see, I still have to love myself. I have to love myself to know what it's time to "fix" me.
So ladies, gentleman, boys, girls, dogs, cats, horses, llamas, and turtles .... even when you feel your worst, you must LOVE yourself!
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Amen sista :) I totally agree with you, more often than not its hard not to get down on yourself when life doesnt seem to be goin quite right, or anywhere for that matter. I like to think the reason its taking so long is because it has to be just right, the "best" that there is for me...is coming, downt the road, eventually but have fun being u, doin your thing, living life as much as you can!!!
ReplyDeleteI read "The Secret" and have begun to "make space" in my life for that someone, the thought there is when you have full things in your life you dont expect new things...i guess we'll see.